Entries Tagged 'Humor' ↓

I regularly survey news media from across the country and around the world via the Internet, and see a lot of different news items. But here are a few headlines I doubt I’ll ever see:

Cocaine dealer remembers Bush from missing Military period

Academy Awards given only to those who can really act; Tom Cruise shut out

Got any other headlines you think we’ll never see?

No, not the commander of the French Foreign Legion. The general feeling I�m in right now. A lot of it has to do with the weather. It has been biting cold this week and last, with snow and ice and cloudy skies, and that just makes me want to stay inside and sleep. Except I can�t. I have to get up each day and schlep to work like a million other drones in this big beehive. I get to work exhausted mentally and physically (but mostly mentally), and if I don�t have much scheduled, can easily surf the web the whole day out of sheer boredom.

The situation on the job doesn�t help. We�ve found some grants to apply for that would keep our program operating�in fact would allow us to expand considerably�but that is all contingent upon winning them. We won�t know until late February or March, which means that until then, we try to carry on as usual doing our assignments, but waiting for the other shoe to either drop or get a good polishing. It�s very disorienting.

On the anniversary of my birth, as the wind howled through the bare trees, I realized I have spent every winter of my existence in the cold and often frigid northeastern United States. A life long resident of New York, upstate and down, I have known no other place to endure a winter. I�ve often thought about moving somewhere else, but then think about my connections, family, friends, professional and political interests, and overall way of life. Can old dogs learn new masters? While we New Yorkers grouse about what�s wrong with our state, and there�s a lot wrong, we are still much better off than many other places, particularly with regard to certain civil liberties. States, like Virginia for instance, that still keep anti-sodomy laws on the books (which they aggressively pursue, thank you very much) may be warmer climatically, but quite frosty politically. In New York, even the Republicans are pro-choice, because they know they won�t get elected if they aren�t.

And speaking of Republicans, the Asshole in Chief and his minions just cause me to grind my teeth to a nub. I�m beyond angry. If I said what I was really feeling, I�d get arrested for sure. But this fake campaign ad did make me smile. WARNING: You probably shouldn’t click on this link at work. If you do, turn the volume down.

The cold is keeping me from getting to the gym too, and I don�t like that. I can see and feel the pounds returning. Inside me lives a fat man screaming to get out, and I must work hard to keep him locked up. It�s supposed to warm up to 32 degrees Saturday, so maybe I can get back to my regular routine.

I won�t even talk about my social life. As barren as the North Pole.

Life just seems like a treadmill right now and me a little ole hamster, neither getting ahead nor falling behind, just tired out from the run around.

Frightening, isn’t it?

Dear friends, fellow bloggers and visitors:

With the holiday season upon us, you are all no doubt scratching your head thinking, “What can I get Bernie for Christmas? What can I buy him that I know he’ll really enjoy?”

Well scratch your head no more!

Bernie has a Wishlist on Amazon.com. It currently has over 70 items he’d love to get as gifts that he picked out myself. Now, there’s no more guess work for you, but more importantly no more disappointing Bernie.

Now, I know you’re all thinking, “Bernie, as much as I’d love to, I can’t buy all of the items on your list.”

Well you don’t have to!

Just go down the list and choose any one, two, three or a dozen–as many as you like–and you can either make the purchase right there online, or if you are skittish about Internet shopping, use it to find the same item at a store near you. And be sure to pay all shipping and handling charges. Bernie does not accept COD.

So this year take all the guess work out of Christmas shopping for Bernie. Give something he’d love to the one you love. Just click on the Amazon Wishlist over on the right and begin getting Bernie his great gifts today!

Love and kisses,

Bernie

P.S. Mark the date, Bernie’s birthday is January 13. Another great opportunity to give!