Entries Tagged 'Humor' ↓

Bloomberg to New York: “I own this ‘bi-atch’!”

Bloomberg

NEW YORK, Oct. 8, 2009 – Just moments after his Democratic opponent staged a boisterous rally on the steps of New York’s City Hall, in opposition to the extension of a term limits law that allows him to seek a third term, a feisty Mayor Michael Bloomberg strode to the podium in the Blue Room and challenged anyone to stop him from continuing to run “what is rightfully mine.”

“Thompson, schmompson. I got this one.” Bloomberg boasted. “We’ve got a month before the election and people are just now finding out who he is. I’ve spent $90 million to saturate the airwaves with advertising and took it out of petty cash.”

When an aide quickly reminded the Mayor that he had officially reported spending $64 million, Bloomberg snorted, “Whatever. I could still give every New Yorker about $10 million apiece and not even feel it. And don’t think most of them wouldn’t be grateful to get it too, since they’re probably unemployed.”

Bloomberg weighed in on a range of reporter questions, most prominently the issue of why he’s seeking a third term. At the rally, Comptroller Thompson alluded to failed attempts at a Presidential or Vice Presidential run, alleging Bloomberg had no where else to go. The Mayor poo-poo’d such thinking and when asked why not return to the business world, responded, “Been there, done that, made a billion. Don’t need to do it again.”

The Mayor turned a bit snippy when questioned about some of the assertions made in his attack ads against Thompson, specifically those suggesting Thompson was an ineffective School Board President. “Yeah? And…?” said Bloomberg. “It’s not like New Yorkers are gonna run out and do research! Repeat a lie often enough and people just believe it. HELLO! I run a media company! Don’t you think I know what I’m doing?”

In a bizarre moment straight out of a reality television series, when reminded that a recent WABC-TV poll now showed Thompson trailing him by the closest margin ever, 8 points, Bloomberg laughed defiantly at the idea enough people would actually turn out on election day to vote him out of office. “Who’s gon’ check me boo?” shouted a wild-eyed Mayor Mike, as he pointed at individual members of the press corps. “You? You? You?” He quickly apologized when he inadvertently aimed his barb at a reporter from the New York Post.

He then turned on his heels to exit the press conference. “This is my city, dammit,” yelled the Boston-born mayor.

The actual Mayor Bloomberg did not contribute to the writing of this article.

Now THIS is satire!

In a strictly tongue-in-cheek jab at their sister publication at Conde Nast, the editors of Vanity Fair have satirized the controversial New Yorker magazine cover depicting Barack and Michelle Obama. It will only appear on their website, but you have to admit it’s funny.

Vanity Fair McCain cover

The Vanity Fair cover similarly reflects stories that have swirled around McCain and his wife Cindy, seen here cradling vials of pills while the Senator leans on a walker. The American flag isn’t burning in the fireplace; instead it’s the U.S. Constitution. In place of a portrait of Osama bin Laden, a likeness of President Bush hangs on the wall.

I’m Voting Republican

You know he was thinking it…

Bush meets Pope

“…And this is my wife Laura and my daughter Jenna. I’m sorry your wife and kids couldn’t make the trip, your Popeness.”

The Neediest Cases

You can feel it in the air. All around us people are hustling and bustling about, filling the stores and malls in search of just the right present for their loved ones. Christmas time is just days away.

While the holiday season is typically a joyous and festive occasion marked by gift-giving and merriment, not everyone is so fortunate. Every year a deserving few dream of a visit from Santa and hope they too will be remembered, but more often than not they are left unsatisfied. This year, you can do something to help.

Show your love this year for someone who would truly appreciate hearing from you. Click on this link and go directly to a site where you can select a nice gift from a long list of his favorite items, and have it sent in time for the holidays. That special someone will be deeply appreciative and you will have the satisfaction of knowing you brought joy to his heart this Christmas.

A simple act of kindness goes long, long way. Please give generously.

(What, you thought I was talking about some poor kids or something?)