Entries from April 2007 ↓

“N”, “F”, & “H”

Michael Richards. Isaiah Washington. Tim Hardaway. Ann Coulter. Cedric Maxwell. Don Imus.

And those are just the more recent offenders.

Racism. Sexism. Homophobia.

When those who have previously been held down dare to stand up and display their brilliance to the world, you can always expect those in the ruling class to act out in ugly displays of hatred.

What is ironic however, if you look at the composition of the list above, is that some of these oppressors are also among the oppressed.

How well some of us have learned the master’s lessons.

Actor Roscoe Lee Browne Dies

Actor Roscoe Lee Browne, whose rich voice and dignified bearing brought him an Emmy Award and a Tony nomination, has died. He was 81.

Browne died early Wednesday at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center after a long battle with cancer, said Alan Nierob, a spokesman for the family.

Browne’s career included classic theater to TV cartoons. He also was a poet and a former world-class athlete.

His deep, cultured voice was heard narrating the 1995 hit movie “Babe.” On screen, his character often was smart, cynical and well-educated, whether a congressman, a judge or a butler.

Born to a Baptist minister in Woodbury, N.J., Browne graduated from historically black Lincoln University in Pennsylvania, where he later returned to teach comparative literature and French. He also was a track star, winning the 880-yard run in the 1952 Millrose Games.

Browne was selling wine for an import company when he decided to become a full-time actor in 1956 and had roles that year in the inaugural season of the New York Shakespeare Festival in a production of “Julius Caesar.”

In 1961, he starred in an English-language version of Jean Genet’s play “The Blacks.”

Two years later, he was The Narrator in a Broadway production of “The Ballad of the Sad Cafe,” a play by Edward Albee from a novella by Carson McCullers. In a front page article on the advances made by blacks in the theater, the New York Times noted that Browne’s understudy was white.

He won an Obie Award in 1965 for his role as a rebellious slave in the off-Broadway “Benito Cereno.”

In movies, he was a spy in the 1969 Alfred Hitchcock feature “Topaz” and a camp cook in 1972’s “The Cowboys,” which starred John Wayne.

“Some critics complained that I spoke too well to be believable” in the cook’s role, Browne told The Washington Post (nyse: WPO - news - people ) in 1972. “When a critic makes that remark, I think, if I had said, ‘Yassuh, boss’ to John Wayne, then the critic would have taken a shine to me.”

On television, he had several memorable guest roles. He was a snobbish black lawyer trapped in an elevator with bigot Archie Bunker in an episode of the 1970s TV comedy “All in the Family” and the butler Saunders in the comedy “Soap.” He won an Emmy in 1986 for a guest role as Professor Foster on “The Cosby Show.”

In 1992, Browne returned to Broadway in “Two Trains Running,” one of August Wilson’s acclaimed series of plays on the black experience. It won the Tony for best play and brought Browne a Tony nomination for best featured (supporting) actor.

The New York Times said he portrayed “the wry perspective of one who believes that human folly knows few bounds and certainly no racial bounds. The performance is wise and slyly life-affirming.”

Browne also wrote poetry and included some of it along with works by masters such as Lawrence Ferlinghetti and William Butler Yeats in “Behind the Broken Words,” a poetry anthology stage piece that he and Anthony Zerbe performed annually for three decades.

Associated Press Writer Polly Anderson in New York contributed to this report.
Copyright 2007 Associated Press

Back to Regular Blogging

The series is over. Now back to more mundane posting.

The odyssey that began last May has ended. I am back in the labor force as of Monday. It actually pays more than the last gig.

However a few weeks ago, to give myself something to do and keep me from completely depleting my savings, I also picked up a fun little part-time job that I’m still working even with the new full-time, for now anyway. I’m an usher here. Basically, you stand for several hours, hand out programs and direct people to their seats, in exchange for seeing a great show every night.

Tuesday night was a marvelous tribute to New Orleans, with a phenomenal (!!!) young tap dancer whose name I didn’t get (no, not Savion Glover; Savion wishes he was as good as this kid). Monday night was a benefit for autism with Bill Cosby and Toni Braxton. Cosby kept us in stitches, while Toni whispered through her songs and put us all to sleep. Unfortunately she went on first.

Working at such a high profile arts venue in the entertainment capital of the world also gives you lots of chances to celebrity watch. In the past two nights I got up close with Glenn Close, saw former NY Knick Earl “the Pearl” Monroe, and ex NY Giant Tiki Barber, Stanley Crouch and attorney Barry Scheck. I personally seated Maya Rudolph and Lorne Michaels from SNL, and NBC News anchor Brian Williams, then spotted SNL’s Kenan Thompson at the after party.

But in a job like that you also quickly learn the difference between the haves and the have nots. New York City is not without its quite obvious class distinctions. Hard working, low paid ushers, security guards, catering chefs and wait staff worked tirelessly to make sure the rich and famous had a wonderful evening. I sure hope they appreciated it.

Where Do We Go From Here?

I thought I knew what I was getting into when I started my Black Gay Men at Midlife project. Then it became apparent I had no idea at all. The whole thing took on a life of its own and I was just along for the ride.

Let me thank all the many people who posted comments during the entire 12 part series, sent me private emails, mentioned it on their own websites and blogs or just stopped by and read. My hits went way up during the run so I know there were a lot of you.

Last but certainly not least, my immeasurable thanks go to Conrad, Patrice, Bernard, John, George, Mark, David, Robert, Cordell, James, Jaleel and Reggie for taking the time to complete my very lengthy questionnaire and for providing such honest, open, heartfelt and thought-provoking responses. Your words made this series. I was happy to provide the forum.

The idea for this whole thing began percolating in my brain about ten years ago. I was 37, approaching 40 yet already feeling a growing disconnection from gay communities to which I had previously belonged. I wanted new and different experiences and people to share them with. Ten years later, I’m still looking for the latter.

Spurring on the idea was first the fact that as a blogger, I am constantly looking for things to write about. My fourth blogaversary is September 1 and there is only so much you can write about before you run out of things to say. I wanted to try something entirely different.

The second reason is, several weeks ago, I was approached by a magazine (which shall remain nameless) to write a piece on being Black, gay and in my 40’s. That was the extent of their concept and when I emailed back a more in-depth approach, they poo-poo’ed the whole idea. I said to myself, “I have a blog. Let me write my own damn story.”

My objective in running this series was to begin a dialogue, specifically among Black gay middle aged men, to allow us space to share our thoughts, opinions, hopes and fears about aging. What happens next, I’m not entirely sure. Ideally men will begin to have more face-to-face conversations with one another informally or through the various community-based organizations that exist around the country. Perhaps academicians will seriously begin to study the intersections of race and sexual orientation in the aging process.

The desire to step up and be heard is there. It’s up to all of us to take advantage of the opportunity.

UPDATE: Check out an iChat interview I did on No There There with George Kelly.

The Black Gay Men at Midlife series:

Part 1 – A Conversation With My Brothers LINK

Part 2 – The Search for Community LINK

Part 3 – Friendship, Love and Intimacy LINK

Part 4 – The End of Our Youth LINK

Part 5 – The Second Act LINK

Part 6 – Love and the Older Man LINK

Part 7 – Redefining Community LINK

Part 8 – Looking Back, Moving Forward LINK

Part 9 – We’ll All Be Old One Day LINK

Part 10 – The Need for a Plan LINK

Part 11 – Golden Men LINK

Part 12 – A Conversation With My Younger Brothers LINK

A Conversation With My Younger Brothers

Black Gay Men at Midlife – Part 12, the conclusion

With this 12th segment, we conclude our series exploring the lives of Black gay men in middle age.

If there has been one obvious point made among the many expressed by our group, it is that no one wants to be put into a little box, forced to live according to some narrow set of parameters that dictate how we behave. As these men have passed through or imagined themselves in their youth, at middle age and as seniors, they envisioned full and productive lives. Whether that was or will be realized or not, they felt, depended entirely on the choices they made. At all points along their journey, they either were or saw themselves being involved in the larger community, gay and straight, contributing their talents and knowledge.

To end, they wrap up discussion of their expectations for old age, then pass along advice for the generations behind them. Perhaps in 20 years, another group of middle aged men will have entirely different experiences as a result.

What do you see as some of the best and worst aspects of being a gay senior citizen?

Conrad, 43, Memphis
Being alone and with no one to relate to and/or falling into the care of some homophobic Christian who would mistreat you either in your family or in a home if you’re faced with going to one.

Patrice, 39, Brooklyn
Loneliness, Elder abuse/crime, housing issues, discrimination, invisibility. Best- knowledge, money, choices.

Bernard, 41, Atlanta
About the same as being a senior citizen who is not gay, and neither good nor bad (at this point at least): having comfortable savings and lifestyle and concerns with health issues.

John, 41, Jersey City/Chicago
I think it is still very tough for older LGBT people, who can be isolated, who face hostility from medical and social providers, and from other related industries. I think it’s also harder for LGBT people of color, especially Black LGBT people. But I hope this changes, and if I can do anything to ensure that, I will.

George, 51, New York
The worst aspects of being an older gay person would be to be alone and forgotten. To be in poor health and have no one who is close to you to help and visit. To be cast aside by family and friends if you don’t have children to care for you. That would be terrible. The best aspects would be having a larger sense of self. The freedoms to say and do whatever you like and not care about the consequences. To be sought after for your opinions and beliefs, to be revered and admired because you lived through the holocaust of AIDS and still able to have compassion and love in your life, that would be wonderful. To honor and support those coming up and know that your work and contributions have helped them in some way, would help the aging process. It would be amazing to be respected for who you and what you have done. I believe we are “our own best thing” and we need to lift each other up, since we stand on the shoulders of those who have gone before us.

Mark, 46, Harlem
I’ll answer that question when I become a senior citizen.

David, 46, Harlem
I’m thinking about affordable housing, medical coverage and family when I think of becoming a gay senior. I’m a firm believer in living the golden rule; therefore, most of the elders in my family lived beyond the age of 80s, so I will be the gay uncle that the grand-children, grand-nieces and their friends would flock around, for I will, like the young folks say today, WILL KEEP IT REAL!

Robert, 40, San Francisco
I think at least I had a chance to live my life as I saw it in my younger years.

Cordell, 41, Albany
Becoming infirmed and having no one to depend upon to care for you is one negative aspect. Having friends to die around you and thus having fewer of them is another. A more positive aspect is being able to rebound easier to break-ups and being more flexible and somewhat more tolerant of people and myself than what I was when I was younger. Also, being able to say “I know how you feel” and really meaning it because you actually did experience it-and survived it, so that you can share your survival skills regarding that particular situation. Another aspect is being okay with who you are and not really caring about how others feel about what you do or who you are as an older gay man.

James, 43, Oakland
Hopefully, working in the field that I choose and having the freedom to get up in the morning when I want. Being able to travel and stay as long as I like. I guess I better be rich or I will be in trouble. Whether single or alone, I just want to have a good life. I want to grow old gracefully and still have fun. Hopefully, my challenges will be manageable.

I want to continue to live in the present. I think one of the worst things you can do as you get older is to become bitter and regretful about the things you have not done with your life. As long as I keep getting up, I have a new day to live out my dreams.

Jaleel, 42, Decatur
Everything I’ve written and answered above.

Reggie, 46, Baltimore
Best: Providing that ‘resource’ to the community.
Worse: Increased isolation.

What advice would you give a Black gay man now in his 20’s about how to prepare for midlife? (Perhaps it’s advice you wish someone had given you.)

Conrad, 43, Memphis
Build a life for yourself of intimacy with good friends and relations, people you’d want to grow old with and hold on to them. Don’t get caught up in being gay and having sex; they’re dead ends in and of themselves. Live your life with expectations. Too often I’ve heard in my own life, “don’t have any expectations.” But I think that’s a lie. The world we live in at present came into being because too many people have lived lives with no expectations. They were willing to just go along to get along. And we’re all suffering for that surrender and for continuing such a cowardly tradition amongst humankind. Live with expectations. Yes, sometimes you will get wounded, hurt or disappointed. But these are only some aspects of life, not the whole of life. Have faith in something larger than yourself. Expect hope; you just might get it or create it. Expect to love and be loved. And if you can’t find any of these, raise your voice in and off the streets until it comes to you, following your raised call like a bloodhound hot on a trail. And if you fail? At least you failed trying and that’s no surrender. It creates a better possibility of chances for the next generation. Your life is never just about you and you alone!

Patrice, 39, Brooklyn
I would say be educated, save money and think about home ownership and relationship/ family. The clubs…being fabulous does not last forever.

Bernard, 41, Atlanta
1. Save money: always pay yourself first. And don’t touch it.
2. Get a good health insurance plan to cover medical expenses.
3. There is no need to rush everything all at once. You have time to accomplish your goals; there is no need to try to do every single thing at once.
4. Love comes on its own timetable, not yours. Don’t think every man that looks good to you is good for you. Likewise, don’t assume that just because you haven’t found “the one” yet means you never will. Relax.
5. Be comfortable with yourself, but never complacent. Strive to better yourself intellectually, mentally, spiritually, and physically. And realize anyone who tells you “you are perfect just the way you are” is lying. All that means is that if you are a young fool now, you’ll be an old fool later.
6. Travel as much as possible.
7. You care more about what other people think of you than they actually spend any time thinking about you. Does that make sense?
8. As you get older, don’t try to hang on acting like you were when you were 18, 20 or 25. It’s healthy to maintain a young and youthful outlook, but chances are that you did some stupid things at 21. Don’t think that will be cute or excusable at 41.
9. Don’t become “old” and “set in your ways” just because you get older. Just because you turn 35 doesn’t mean you suddenly have to “discover” jazz. Just because you turn 40 doesn’t mean you have to start watching art house films. Discovery should happen as a byproduct of your own curiosity, not according to your age.
10. As you get older, embrace it instead of cursing it. Too many people didn’t make it this far for you to be bitching and moaning about a few gray hairs and the phantom “good old days.” Either live or die, but as long as you are here you might as well live your best life to the fullest degree possible.

John, 41, Jersey City/Chicago
Begin thinking about your 40s, 50s and beyond. Where do you want to be then? Enjoy your 20s, but also think about your future. Consider what steps will prepare you for possible challenges and life changes down the road. What will you have after your physical youth and beauty disappears? What do you want to have, and who might you want to be?

George, 51, New York
I would tell younger BGM that they should try not to ever do anything that they may regret. That would mean how you dressed, who you dated, had sex with, or spoke harshly to, because much of those things will come back on you and people will remind you of those instances over and over again. If these things do happen, and they will happen, forgive yourself, try to remember the circumstances that made you do that thing (we were caught up, I was horny, it was in fashion, I was hurt…whatever) that you wish you hadn’t. And remember, most of those things will be excused as youthful exuberance and move and try to learn from it and become a better person because of it.

Mark, 46, Harlem
1) be honest with yourself about how you feel emotionally.
2) join a community-based organization which affirms your sexuality.
3) let people with diverse life experiences help you with your problems.

David, 46, Harlem
Wow! That’s a big order, for I’m coming from a totally different era then that of the pre-Stonewall or the 70s free love era . . . I came out and was sexuality active at the peak of the AIDS epidemic 1979 to now.

But if I had to share advice the first thing I would do would tell someone to find someone you trust and share your feelings. The first person I would tell them to look at is there mother. The women in my life have always been my safety net. The men came around much later in my life, when actually I had no use for their support. I needed them in my developmental years.

After that, I would tell them to finish school, and even think about advanced education, for once you have that you can combat homophobia and racism with a better foundation.

Secondly, I would tell them to set priorities:
1. Protect yourself physically, mentality, spiritually.
2. Start saving more, and spending less.
3. Learn quickly the difference between sex and love.
4. Cherish your friendships, and learn quickly too that people come into your life for a season. And, although I have some long term friends, it’s the short friendships that also taught a few life lessons.
5. Last, but far from least, I would tell them to read . . . read everything by James Baldwin, for he has set a blueprint for Black, gay men to use as a tool for their own journey. I didn’t read Mr. Baldwin until I was twenty-one, for if I had read him before
the age of 21, I would have saved myself a lot of emotional scares.

Robert, 40, San Francisco
(no response)

Cordell, 41, Albany
Advice that I would give younger gay men is to make sure that they are happy with what they decide to pursue in life-regardless of what it is. And would counsel them to get an education, keep a job, open a bank account, keep their credit reports clean, don’t rush to become older, enjoy life as it comes, have lots of “safer” sex (for there will be periods of time when the opportunity and the desire will wane). Seek happiness, treasure their parents while they are still alive, Seek and develop meaningful relationships with people who are different from them, save some and spend some [money]. Take care of their health, go to a doctor if you are ill, get yearly checkups, floss, always wear clean underwear (you never know who will see them), and don’t give up their goals, no matter what anyone tells you.

James, 43, Oakland
The best advice I got when I was in my 20’s was don’t be afraid to travel a different path in life for the blessings will come. I will add to that everyone will not be your friend. Just as everyone will not like you, you do not have to like everyone. Be careful with whom you share your time and talent. Life is precious and the years move so fast. Don’t be afraid to love with all your heart. Our biggest challenge at any age is allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. Finally, DREAM BIG!!!

Jaleel, 42, Decatur
I would tell the young man that it is important to set his goals and prioritize. Growing older was not even a reality for me when I was in my 20’s. I was fortunate enough to have a mother that stressed education and I knew that I needed to “do” right in order to “get” right. I wonder what life would have been like with a black gay man sharing similar advice, from a gay perspective? And even if I didn’t listen at the time, I’m sure his words would have stuck with me. I want my words to stick with young people today. I want them to understand their worth as children of the Most High. I would advise them to paint a picture of what they want their life to be and then put that picture where they could easily get to it (in their head, on a canvas, in a notebook…wherever). And then in tough times, I would advise them to pull out that picture and realize that what they’re going though is all a part of a journey to get them to that destination.

Reggie, 46, Baltimore
Don’t believe the bullshit that your life is over at 30 (or 40, or 50, or….). You’re life isn’t ‘over’ till you’re dead (and even then some people and their reputations have an interesting afterlife). At least think about planning for something more than just tomorrow or the next party — as well as, perhaps, your Golden Years (lord how I wished I’d saved those 6 months of military pay while we were underway in S America!).

I’d also say “Don’t get old” You will get older, your age will increase, but don’t grow into a stick in the mud/old fogey.