I thought I knew what I was getting into when I started my Black Gay Men at Midlife project. Then it became apparent I had no idea at all. The whole thing took on a life of its own and I was just along for the ride.
Let me thank all the many people who posted comments during the entire 12 part series, sent me private emails, mentioned it on their own websites and blogs or just stopped by and read. My hits went way up during the run so I know there were a lot of you.
Last but certainly not least, my immeasurable thanks go to Conrad, Patrice, Bernard, John, George, Mark, David, Robert, Cordell, James, Jaleel and Reggie for taking the time to complete my very lengthy questionnaire and for providing such honest, open, heartfelt and thought-provoking responses. Your words made this series. I was happy to provide the forum.
The idea for this whole thing began percolating in my brain about ten years ago. I was 37, approaching 40 yet already feeling a growing disconnection from gay communities to which I had previously belonged. I wanted new and different experiences and people to share them with. Ten years later, Im still looking for the latter.
Spurring on the idea was first the fact that as a blogger, I am constantly looking for things to write about. My fourth blogaversary is September 1 and there is only so much you can write about before you run out of things to say. I wanted to try something entirely different.
The second reason is, several weeks ago, I was approached by a magazine (which shall remain nameless) to write a piece on being Black, gay and in my 40s. That was the extent of their concept and when I emailed back a more in-depth approach, they poo-pooed the whole idea. I said to myself, I have a blog. Let me write my own damn story.
My objective in running this series was to begin a dialogue, specifically among Black gay middle aged men, to allow us space to share our thoughts, opinions, hopes and fears about aging. What happens next, Im not entirely sure. Ideally men will begin to have more face-to-face conversations with one another informally or through the various community-based organizations that exist around the country. Perhaps academicians will seriously begin to study the intersections of race and sexual orientation in the aging process.
The desire to step up and be heard is there. Its up to all of us to take advantage of the opportunity.
UPDATE: Check out an iChat interview I did on No There There with George Kelly.
The Black Gay Men at Midlife series:
Part 1 A Conversation With My Brothers LINK
Part 2 The Search for Community LINK
Part 3 Friendship, Love and Intimacy LINK
Part 4 The End of Our Youth LINK
Part 5 The Second Act LINK
Part 6 Love and the Older Man LINK
Part 7 Redefining Community LINK
Part 8 Looking Back, Moving Forward LINK
Part 9 Well All Be Old One Day LINK
Part 10 The Need for a Plan LINK
Part 11 Golden Men LINK
Part 12 A Conversation With My Younger Brothers LINK
9 comments ↓
You did exactly what we all should do when frustrated with outlets for our expression; create our own.
Traditional black media and white gay media do not value our collective experience unless we’re posed shirtless and waving our Mandingo love muscles in their face.
I agree with j.brotherlove. It’s vitally important that we create, grow and maintain spaces on our own, put out the images we want to project about our lives, goals, dreams, disappointments, celebrations… anything and everything.
Leaving it up to main stream media will only disappoint- be it gay or straight. Surprisingly, once you put it out there, you’ll discover a larger audience with many of the same thoughts and issues and concerns. Your blog, and many others, are important pieces in the puzzle of what makes us who we are, and where we’re going.
One last thing, while there are many hands extended to help you when you need it, I learned many years ago… no one’s gonna save you. You have to save yourself.
Bernie, this was a superb series, and it was a joy to participate. I can also see it as the centerpiece of a larger book, of essays, reflections, short stories, poems…. Again, thanks for envisioning and realizing it here!
‘I said to myself, I have a blog. Let me write my own damn story.’
I’m glad you did. Here’s to encouraging many others to continue the conversation and to tell their own stories, too!
Title for anthology: “Through the Fire”; although that might be a little too much. Now, if only some enterprising not-yet-middle-age blogger could be inspired (or pressured) to run a similar series.
Thanks for the series. I suspect it might show up in unexpected places (college classrooms, well, at least mine).
I thought is was one of the most interesting and insightful things I have ever seen in blogworld.
Thanks to you and your participants for the very candid and concise answers. I understand so much more about the lives of some of my closest friends now.
One thing I know to do more and more is to tell them how much I love, respect and admire them UNCONDITIONALLY.
Thank you very much, CreoleInDC. I think that’s all anyone really wants.
Its time to do what Essex Hemphill, Marlon Riggs , Craig G. Woordrow, Marvin White, E. Lynn Harris, Pooquie and Rasheems creater (he’s gonna lill me that I forgot his name) and the nameless other have done and “Put It On Paper.” Maybe a college press or get some kind of funding from some philanthropic foundation or organization who is concerned about some of these issues would see it’s value.
I am honored to have participated this series and to have been a part of a kind of “history” in the making! Its diversity was brillant! The writers put their hearts and souls into it! I found myself inspired by their words and their realism.
I actually tried getting a younger guy I know to read it-but he seemed abject to the idea about what someone “my age” might be thinking-[unless they are ripped and tall and dark and hung.]
I tell everyone who is willing to listen about it.
Thanks again to all the writers!
And thank you Bernie for the concept and the inspiration. Keep it up! [No pun intended-well, maybe a little one? [oopppss..there I go again!]
Love,
Cordell
The series was absolutely wonderful. Thank you so much for this. It’s not everyday that you get to hear or read about gay black men’s experiences in such a candid way. Their stories, insight, and advice were greatly appreciated. As a young brotha who recently began his coming out process, this has been quite beneficial to me. I’ve always been one to look for role models in aspects of my life where I feel I need more guidance and assistance. And finding that hasn’t been easy. But reading this series gives me a great deal of encouragement, hope, and inspiration. Thank you again for using this outlet to share our stories.