I can’t say it was unexpected, because it wasn’t. The timing just sucks.
My grandmother—my mother’s mother—died this morning around 5:00 a.m. Los Angeles time, where just a day ago, she had been moved from a medical facility to a hospice care facility. She was 98 and had been in a nursing home for the past three years.
I must confess I always had a love/hate relationship with “Gram.” It’s not that I didn’t love her or she me, it’s that she practiced tough love. She had hard and fast rules that were not meant to be broken and a singular view of how kids should be raised. She sometimes thought my parents let us get away with too much. When she would come to visit us periodically from California, we always knew we’d have to adjust to her way of doing things for as long as she stayed, which often seemed to be open-ended. If she called for you, yelling out your name, she didn’t want to hear “What” in response. She expected you to come, immediately. We learned early on, “A hard head makes for a soft behind.”
Fiercely religious and a member of the Church of Christ, she knew we were going to hell. We were the “wrong religion” as Roman Catholics. Her visits were always one more chance to try to convert us. It never worked on me.
But cantankerous as she could be, Gram was also a great role model for the independent woman. For as long as I’ve been alive, she has never worked, but always had money to do whatever she wanted to do. A widow since 1951 (I never knew my maternal grandfather) she traveled the world, either with church members, friends or even by herself, well into her 90’s. Around 30 years ago, she had a house built for her out in the middle of nowhere, it seemed, in Perris, California, and lived there by her self quite contentedly.
In the span of just over a year, my mother has lost my father, her husband of 56 years, her younger brother, my uncle, this past September, and now her mother, my last remaining grandparent. She doesn’t show it, but this has been quite tough on her. Just my aunt and her remain from that generation and this loss of my elders is taking a toll on my brothers, cousins and me as well. There is a profound awareness that the time we have left together is fleeting.
Right after Christmas, I’ll travel back to NYC, tie up some loose ends, pack and make my way with other family members out to Los Angeles for a funeral probably Friday.
16 comments ↓
Bernie, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss.
I’m sorry to hear of your loss. The fragility of time is certainly one thing we learn as we grow older.
I just connected with a boatload of relatives from my father’s side including a 91 year-old cousin who lives alone and has more energy than most women in their 60s. It made me aware that I need to network with my family more.
Be safe in your travel.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss.
Bernie,
Your mother, like you, sounds strong spirited.
The pendulum will swing in time, providing time to reflect and recover.
Patience, however, never is easy.
Sorry to hear that you are going through such rough times, Bernie. I just went through a family funeral last week. Very stressful time.
hard head/soft behind. yes, I remember that well.
So sorry Bernard. It’s been a year of loss here as well, and I will be glad when the year is over. Not that a new year remedies what has been lost but it does put a marker on things. Hugs for the holiday season. El Duque
My condolences go out to you and your family.
Bernie, my condolences to you and yours during this difficult season. It’s been a trying year for your family. However, it seems that you have many beautiful memories and your grandmother lived a long, full life.
Best wishes.
Sorry to hear about your family’s loss.
my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Bernie, I’m so sorry to hear about your grandmother’s passing. Please accept our sincere condolences.
Hi favorite fave can I offer a you and me and some Starbucks when you need that ear and a friend; let me know. I’m thinking of you. Prayers up.
Dear Bernie,
My father just told me that Aunt Daisy died. I am so sorry.
I only met Aunt Daisy a few times. She was always sweet. I didn’t know the tough side of her, but I realized she was very religious. She sent me a subscription to the Christian Guidepost magazine when I went away to graduate school. I leafed through the magazine, but I didn’t read it much because it just wasn’t my cup of tea. I really appreciated the gesture, though.
My parents are headed to Spain right now. They’re coming here for my wedding. We’d all be heading to California now if we hadn’t made the wedding plans. Give my love to your mother, aunt, and other members of the family. My condolences to all of you.
Bernie, condolences to you and your family.
My condolences, Bernie. I’m sorry.
My condolences man … you’ll make it through.