As the Dust Settles

This is the first year that I have been able to deal with the tragedy that occurred on September 11, 2001 and its aftermath. A combination of time and a pre-occupation with other personal issues since then and currently, have given me either perspective on that event or forced me to divert my energy to more pressing needs. In any event I am ready to face the anniversary and all the media attention it will generate and then move beyond it.

On the first anniversary I was not in a stable frame of mind. I took my vacation in Toronto that year, not only wanting to leave New York City, but get out of the country altogether, although Canada being close by I was unable to fully escape the news coverage. A year after 9/11, I was still having nightmares. Now I am better, but I have by no means returned to being the person I was on September 10, 2001.

It strikes me that, like a pebble cast upon the water forming ripples that radiate outward, the impact of 9/11 really depends on how close to ground zero you were. With that comes varying degrees of physical and psychological after-effects, the full impact of which may not be fully known for years to come.

This past week, congressional leaders held hearings to get testimony from ground zero rescue workers and their families who are now suffering the physical effects of being exposed to airborne contaminants raised up by the dust and rubble of the collapsed World Trade Center. An alarming number have grown sick or have already died from various forms of upper respiratory diseases or cancers and are seeking compensation to deal with sky-high medical bills.

At the time of the attack rescue workers treated the scene much the way an earthquake is handled, looking for possible survivors first, worrying about their own personal safety second. Because there were two 110 story structures that had crumbled to the ground, this was an around the clock effort that took months. What people may not know or recall was that fires were smoldering underneath that rubble for about five months after the attack, burning toxic and hazardous materials that rescue workers were breathing in the whole time.

But it wasn�t just rescue workers exposed to these pollutants. The Environmental Protection Agency proclaimed the area around lower Manhattan safe for residents to return before it really was. I live almost 200 blocks north of ground zero and remember how thick the air was in my neighborhood on September 12 and for several weeks afterward. Dust clouds extended miles into the sky and blew all across the tri-state area. There is no telling how many of us have breathed in particles that will ultimately make us sick or eventually kill us. Future medical researchers may need to track where we were on and around that date and how we later died in order to get the full head count on the deaths caused by 9/11.

And then there are the psychological effects. The same rescue workers report high rates of stress and depression from spending days and weeks looking for survivors. I saw a news interview with one man who recounted the horror of finding a woman�s hand among the rubble and curled in the palm, the hand of a small child. He was indelibly scarred by that experience.

I am fortunate not to have known anyone personally who was lost in the terrorist attack because I am sure surviving family and friends have a perspective on this day that none of us can fully comprehend. But I did witness the collapse of the north tower with my own eyes from the corner of 26th Street and 6th Avenue. That horribly surreal image replayed like a tape recorder over and over in my mind every night for a year. I was among the millions of New Yorkers who walked home in confusion and fear that day, not knowing what was going on, cut off from phone service and communication with family. I remember vividly the gut-wrenching �Have You Seen�� flyers that went up on every blank wall in the city by those hoping in vain that their loved ones had survived the towers.

Like many New Yorkers I am changed in ways in which I am not even aware. I am more reclusive than I have ever been in my life. I suffer bouts of depression that take me lower than in the past and last longer. Are they the direct result of 9/11? I don�t know, but I can�t completely discount that possibility.

The on-going mess created in Iraq that had nothing to do with capturing those responsible, shows no signs of ending and creates another reason to detach and disengage. For the millions of people directly and indirectly impacted by 9/11, there is still no closure.

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The Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York has conducted the widest review of health problems related to 9/11, releasing its report last week. Seventy percent of the 10,000 Ground Zero workers the center tested between 2002 and 2004 reported respiratory problems while working at the site. Of those, 60 percent have had persistent respiratory problems.

The full report is available here as a PDF.

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Other Reflections on Sept. 11

Noctuary Five Years Later… Link
The Republic of T Gay Americans & 9/11 Link
Prometheus 6 (See several articles under “The Path from 9/11″) Link