Tapping My Inner Outdoorsman

I’ve got a secret I haven’t shared with very many people. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, I guess. It’s part of who I am. It’s just that when I try to talk about it, I get strange looks from people who can’t understand how I could possibly be one of them. But silence = death and I can be silent no more. It’s time to come out of the closet.

I’m a frustrated outdoorsman. Even though I haven’t had a chance to do much of it in recent years, I’m into camping, fishing, and I have a burning desire to try hunting. I have been skydiving and don’t rule out other outdoor activities either. There, I’ve said it.

I love peace and quiet, the serenity of being surrounded by trees, smelling fresh air and feeling dirt under my feet. When you live in the most urban of urban jungles, New York, getting in touch with nature means sunning yourself in Central Park. Honey, that ain’t nature.

No, I’m talking about going somewhere where your cellphone won’t get a signal. Where there aren’t one hundred thousand other people with the same idea. Some place where all you hear are the sounds of birds and insects, and at night the only light comes from the moon, if the sky is clear.

I’m an upstate New Yorker by birth, and even though I grew up in a small city, we were close enough to wilderness to go camping in the summer as kids. Dad took us fishing in lakes and streams and when I got older, we also went deep-sea fishing for blues off Long Island Sound. That was some of the most fun I’ve ever had.

From time to time I’ve asked my brothers if they were interested in going fishing and maybe getting their kids involved, you know, kinda trying to pass along the experiences we had with our Dad. But to date nothing has ever happened.

Something Keith wrote a few weeks ago rekindled my thinking on this topic. In high school, I was on the football and track teams and while I won’t pretend I was a great athlete, playing sports had me in the best physical condition of my life. I now get to the gym several times a week and while I’m in great shape for my age, frankly I’m bored by the workouts. In high school just the regular routine of practice and competition kept me in shape. It was a workout for a specific purpose. What I need, and want now, is a focus to my physical activities.

New York City offers a lot of diversions, but they’re all “city” things; theatre, restaurants, museums, shopping, etc. All things I enjoy, but I’m also drawn to less common activities and unafraid to be the odd man out. Growing up, I was the lone Black kid who knew anything about ice hockey.

Now I find myself fascinated by ESPN Outdoors and the hunting shows on OLN. I’m on the mailing lists for several catalogs. I read Field and Stream and get emails from bike manufacturers. While some people dream of exotic trips to Paris or the next Black Pride event, my fantasy vacation involves bowhunting for whitetail or sitting in a marsh awaiting a flock of southern migrating geese or maybe getting a backpack and a bike and traveling across country.

But any time you come out, you’re left wondering if you’re all alone, and this is no exception. I’ve been told my whole life Black people aren’t supposed to do such and such (usually by other Black people), and certainly Black gay men don’t do physical or athletic things (not unless we’re dancing or naked). Thinking outside boxes of our own creation is scary for some. Thus finding community around my interests remains a challenge.