My life is all about irony.
On the very day that the New York State Court of Appeals handed down its decision that same-sex marriage was unconstitutional under state law, yours truly had to attend a bachelor party for an old college friend who got married this past Saturday. I also attended the wedding and was asked to serve as MC during the reception.
Now years ago, there was a period right after I graduated when a number of my college and even high school classmates were getting hitched and it was still fun getting old friends together. But the older I got the less fun they became, and the more secure I became in my own identity, the more it became apparent to me how fundamentally unfair the whole marriage rights issue is.
I don’t have a problem with heterosexual marriage. I think straight people should have every right to marry if they’ve actually found someone special and in fact really are in love. But those big gaudy displays of heterosexual privilege, complete with bouquet and garter tosses and the unstated expectation that some lucky “single” in the audience will be next, leaves me a bit cold, considering how this is a privilege to which I am not entitled by law. Unless it’s a family member or close friend, I’ll pass, thank you.
This past weekend fell into the close friend category and I would have been hard pressed to bail out. This friend who I’ve known about 26 years, has waited his whole life to find that special woman and he has. They make a great couple and he’s truly happy. In the company of so many straight married husbands at the bachelor party and couples at the wedding and reception, I wasn’t going to go all political and engage everyone in a discourse on the current inequities of the law. I smiled, laughed and told some jokes, and was happy for him that he was getting what he wanted in life.
But the entire time I could not escape the realization that even if I had someone significant in my life right now, by law, I am denied such a celebration.