Family Matters

Today would have been my father’s 85th birthday. That he lived to see 84 years is a feat in itself and I am happy for all the time we had together. I think of him everyday and carry his picture with me. Happy birthday, Dad.

The hospice facility that he was about to enter just before he passed has offered bereavement counseling to our family for up to 13 months. They are located back home and thus not easily accessible to me, although they do offer telephone counseling services. I honestly don’t believe that I am in need of this assistance, although it is appreciated. Because of his slow, but steady decline over the years due to the Alzheimer’s, a lot of the grieving happened before he died. I watched him leave us over the past 5 years or so. The actual passing brought a sense of relief to a large degree.

But I do acknowledge I have many other unaddressed and unresolved personal issues that were impacted by his passing. Pre-existing feelings of isolation and loneliness, heightened awareness of my own mortality and the desire to still achieve many things while the clock is ticking, midlife-related emotional and sexual needs and anxieties, were all exacerbated. Consequently, I have finally decided to seek out professional assistance to deal with these and any other residual issues that may surface. I can’t promise you I’ll share any details of those sessions in this space, but I will continue to talk about things going on in my life.

This day also comes with the news last weekend that my uncle, my father’s sole surviving sibling and immediate family member, is also suffering from dementia and was recently put in a nursing home in Texas. His decline is following familiar patterns.

Positive news was received last night about my mother, who underwent knee replacement surgery this past Monday. Recovery is going realistically well, unlike the somewhat overly optimistic objectives she had set for herself. My brothers and I are all taking a week off to go up to help out. One brother has been there this week, my week starts tomorrow, and others will take following weeks.

That period when the children become caretakers to the parents has been in effect for some time now and is an accepted fact of life. But it doesn’t make things any easier.