But Enough About You…

He started it. He responded. He copied. So will I.

Starting to gain weight again. Concerned. Less time to get to the gym. Two jobs are physically demanding. Actually enjoying restaurant work. Not sure what to do with the skill. Still need a vacation. Never know what to do with vacations. Never taken very many. Vacationing alone sucks. Life alone sucks. Fear that’s the present and the future. Mentally preparing for that possibility. Hear the chronological clock ticking. Acts of slutaciousness cause depression. Love, not sex. Need to feel desired. Feel nothing. Feel professionally competent, qualified, creative, innovative, capable. A leader. Would have been heteroly married eons ago. Women get it. Men don’t. Personally feel inadequate, invisible, intimidate/-ing/-ed. Social outsider. Never “enough.” Move on in spite. Need to act. Need to write. Need to see more creativity expressed. Need space. Need nature. Too needy?

8 comments ↓

#1 That Dude Right There on 09.15.05 at 10:22 pm

Sounds like someone needs a big, tight hug. I was the same way earlier this week. I wish I was there to cheer you up (with a bottle of Hennessey and some Coca-Cola).

#2 j. brotherlove on 09.17.05 at 3:21 am

Well stated, Bernie. A lot of emotion behind that quiet exterior.

#3 Eric on 09.18.05 at 4:52 am

IF you think you are beaten, you are, If you think you dare not, you don’t, if you’d like to win, but think you can’t, Its almost a cinch you won’t.

If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost, For out in the world we find, Success begins with a fellow’s will-It’s all in the state of mind.

If you think you’re outclassed, you are, You’ve got to think high to rise, You’ve got to be sure of yourelf before You can ever win the prize.

Life’s battles don’t always go To the Stronger or faster man, but soon or later the man who wins is the man WHO THINKS HE CAN!

-Selected

#4 Jaqua on 09.18.05 at 9:31 am

What is it that women get?, divorce happens on both sides of the coin

#5 Benę on 09.18.05 at 11:59 am

Hi man i found your profile in a Orkut Community,
I loved to read your thoughts and needs..lol. I’m going to include you in my palls list on orkut.
Keep keep yourself exactly the way you are, lovely.

#6 Bernie on 09.19.05 at 1:49 pm

Jaqua, what I meant was that many women I have known get that you can be desirable as a mate without having to be drop dead gorgeous. Women have recognized all of my good qualities. Men seem to want the external package first and if they don’t see what they like dismiss you before ever getting to know you.

#7 A* on 09.26.05 at 4:15 am

Well *ish you got breath and health your ahead of the game. I think Eric said it best. Do the damn thing! Make time to cread or hug a tree (however silly it sounds). But knowing is half the battle!

#8 Ms. World on 09.27.05 at 12:29 am

i love this entry!