So much for a productive vacation. Five days in and I finally got something accomplished beyond sleeping late and navel-gazing.
Part of the problem was my monthly procrastination about paying the bills. Ever since I started paying them online, I致e gotten more and more lax. I put them off til the last minute because I can. But because I kept putting them off I was afraid to spend money in my account, which is why I haven稚 done anything.
With expenses now up-to-date, I picked up tickets today to two plays I知 eager to see, Caroline, or Change and Fabulation. I値l see them both in the next two weeks, and probably share my thoughts here.
I have been reminded of how middle age is like a second adolescence in that you spend inordinate amounts of time contemplating your life and where you fit in the world. With so many changes about to happen for me, I知 a mix of excited and anxious.
I致e become acutely aware that what I am embarking on is the beginning of the final phase of my life. I have had numerous jobs, four careers, and at least as many geographical moves, but what I hope to set in motion are the steps to business ownership, self-sufficiency, homeownership and a secure retirement.
I am now 21 years away from 65 (by comparison, it has been 22 years since I graduated from college) and I need to make these the most productive years of my lfe. When I move next, I want it to be into a home I own in a community where I can establish permanent roots. The reality that I probably have more years behind me than I have left has resulted in a greater sense of purpose.
Not having someone to take this journey with me has made it at times a lonely one. But I知 not one to sit waiting for the right man to come along or for someone to decide that establishing a relationship with me is a priority. There are things I have to do for me, with or without a partner.
Two more days and I知 back to work. It was a nice and needed rest, but being too idle only gives me too much time to think.
4 comments ↓
Hey B! I’ve been reading your site for a while, and never really said “hey”. I just wanted to let you know that I enjoy reading about your world on the regular! Thanks for sharing!!!!
I hear you on this post. I’m experiencing the same myself. I guess that’s what growin’ old does!
Bernie you (and Kevin!!) need to cut it out. You are at best at midlife. Enjoy yourself and accomplish those goals. You’re absolutely right about not needing a man to complete yourself. Indeed, if you’re not happy and healthy and secur about yourself, no man would want to stay around. It’s all gravy, just go out and do ish and everything else will fall in place.
BTW, I’m envious of you about to attend Caroline, or Change. I am thinking about seeing it some time this summer before it’s too late. I am really feeling Tonya and hope it is worth the price of a ticket.
I seriously do think we were separated at birth. :-)