We’re coming out of the winter doldrums. The days are getting sunnier, warmer and longer and we’re shedding those winter clothes. March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. Spring is just around the corner.
Had enough clichés?
This all boils down to one thing. Everybody is lonely and horny and looking for love. If you read the blog family anyway. Seems everyone has the urge to merge, if only they could find someone, or work up the courage to say hello. Sounds a lot like discussions we had last fall.
Now in the interest of living up to my “Uncle Bernie” reputation, I’d be remiss if I didn’t at least attempt to pass along some unclely advice to the lovelorn. Mind you, this comes from the school of “do as I say, not as I do” but I have it on good authority it works. Perhaps just below a certain age range.
First (and I do practice this one), lower your expectations. If you walk into every social setting hoping to meet Mr. Wright, not only are you not likely to meet him, but you’ll miss out on the fun of just getting to know new people. Serious relationships grow out of friendships and common bonds, not at first glance like in the movies or romance novels. Show some interest in other people and they may prove to be worth your interest, because…
It’s not all about you. Self consciousness and second guessing are born out of an unnecessary preoccupation with yourself. You can’t predict who’s gonna like you and who’s not, who’s gonna think you are too short or not attractive enough, dressed all wrong or some other internalized insecurity. Take a shower, put on clean clothes, smile and be yourself, and (I’m repeating myself here) express some interest in getting to know the people around you.
While I’m at it, shyness is not a weakness. If played right, it can be a charming asset. If that’s your personality trait, understand it and use it as an ice breaker. Even extroverts get nervous on first introduction, so acknowledging that allows you to move past it. But…
Don’t jump into bed right away. Especially if you hope to form a relationship with the person. (If all you want is a booty call, then smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.) If you seem too easy, you aren’t valued goods, you are soon to be “used” goods.
Don’t judge a book by it’s cover. Ok, another cliché, I know. But if all you’re looking at are pretty people, you may be overlooking some gems. Sometimes the most ordinary looking are the nicest.
Lead an interesting life. Which gets back to my pet peeve about clubs and bars. Not to imply that interesting people never go there, but you have so little opportunity to demonstrate how interesting you are in those settings. Exercise the muscle between your ears. Attending a discussion group on some topic dear to your heart allows you to pontificate on the many things you know and show everyone how your mind works. Taking a group exercise class or joining a bike riding club, for example, shares a common interest with like minds (and shows off your body too).
Don’t take rejection personally. Just because someone doesn’t find you appealing, doesn’t mean you aren’t appealing to someone. Their rejection is just one person’s opinion. Let it go and move on.
Be aware of your strengths and play to them. And don’t tell me you don’t have any, we all do. If you can’t see them, ask your friends. They might be physical, intellectual, spiritual, whatever. Find ways to demonstrate them in group settings so others can see them clearly too. Which is similar to…
Flaunt it if you got it. Dress to impress, which doesn’t necessarily mean spending a lot on clothes. It’s more about wearing them well. If you look hotter from the rear, wear the tight jeans tonight. Got a nice face? Avoid hats or hair styles that hide it.
Finally, check the attitude! NOBODY likes bitchy queens. NOBODY. If you are the type that loves to sit and read people, or you walk around with a major log on your shoulders, know that it only reflects poorly on you. That person who might have been interested can surely see this.
We’ll all be getting outside more in the days and weeks ahead and opportunities to meet new people will be plentiful, if you keep your eyes, ears and minds open.
Ah, my work is done here.
6 comments ↓
Great advice you have here. I’m thinking that people need to have a Bejata consortium.
uncle bernie you are so smourt and stuff.
this was the best advice i’ve heard in a looooong time! *smooches*
You should teach a class at The New School. I’d sign up! :-)
I’m not listening to a word you say until you get laid. Twice.
Dear Sir:
This commentary pertains to the pursuit of long-term committed relationships, not the meaningless, anonymous short-term acts to which you are most accustomed.
But thank you for writing in.
The Editor
These are some awesome pointers, I have put many of those to use in the past and from the way my dating calendar has been looking lately I may need to reimplement them.
Great advice Bernie!