Headlines You’ll Never See in Your Local Newspaper

I regularly survey news media from across the country and around the world via the Internet, and see a lot of different news items. But here are a few headlines I doubt I’ll ever see:

Cocaine dealer remembers Bush from missing Military period

Cheney discloses earnings made off Iraqi war

Southern Baptists welcome new Gay clergy

Israel apologizes for arrests and killings; withdraws from Palestinian territory

”Profits too high” say Corporate Execs; Promise lower prices, higher wages

Lyrics and lifestyle negatively influence Black youth, say Hip Hop stars

CBS President: ”It was just a tit, for crying out loud!”

GOP convention opens in NYC; lily White and disgustingly rich

Tiger wins The Masters but adds “golf is really boring.”

Red Sox win the World Series!

Academy Awards given only to those who can really act; Tom Cruise shut out

Got any other headlines you think we’ll never see?

2 comments ↓

#1 j. brotherlove on 02.16.04 at 4:45 pm

Okay, that last one made me snort. and what’s up with the layout in here? Still not fixed? *nag* *nag*

#2 Michelle on 02.18.04 at 1:58 pm

Oh these are brilliant.