Searching for Social Alternatives, Part II

I was looking for a peg to hang this next segment on when Karsh handed it to me. I read his entry and it suddenly became clear. We�re talking about taking personal responsibility for our own happiness. If existing social structures aren�t working, we have to seek out or invent new ones to get what we want.

The goal is to put ourselves in situations where the opportunity to meet people and form meaningful relationships can take place. As I alluded to in an earlier entry, which was illustrated so well in Karsh�s experience, many Black gay men see every new man they meet as either a potential lover or a sex partner, completely closing themselves off to the possibility of simply making a new friend.

I contend it is out of friendships that deeper relationships form, and the chief problem with our existing social systems is that they inhibit the formation of these types of associations.

In the typical bar/club setting, people of disparate interests inhabit the same space with the hope they will find others with whom they share things in common. This can result in time spent talking to people with whom we have little in common while ignoring others based on factors like physical appearance. Expectations and anxiety levels can be high, with low success rates.

I suggest we create environments where we know going in we enjoy the same interests. Clubs centered around our hobbies. Informal and more casual by nature, the focus is on enjoyment of the activity, so that even if you don�t meet that special someone, you still have fun doing something you like in a group setting. A place where friendships can be established.

I�m not suggesting we reinvent the wheel either. What follows are activities that other people are already doing. They may not have penetrated the social consciousness of some of us however.

For instance, earlier this year EJ and I were among a group of people who went sky diving for the first time. Next spring we will undoubtedly do it again. So we might create a group of guys who go after their solo jump certification and then jump regularly.

There are many Black gay men who appreciate spectator as well as participatory sports, from bike clubs, to scuba diving, skiing, camping, gun clubs and many more. For those into watching sports, groups could be formed to get together at a sports bar, or tickets purchased to live games. Every sports team offers group rates that could be utilized.

We have no shortage of artists in our ranks, of every discipline. The artist salon has historically been a place of socialization and support in our community. We have writers of poetry and prose, visual artists, singers, rappers, dancers, actors, filmmakers. We can harness that creativity to build spaces where people perform or present for artistic and personal benefit.

For those who are patrons of the arts, almost every live theatre in the country offers group discounts to performances. This is an excellent way to see great shows in the company of friends.

Across the country, book lovers form clubs to share their love of literature with one another, and this could be another alternative setting. Similarly clubs have formed for men who cook, investors, and those who enjoy dining out. If you�re reading this you obviously have access to a computer, and computer user groups can be another way to bring people together.

More people are traveling on vacation and taking cruises than ever before. There are Black-owned services to cater to this audience as well.

Many of us are active in our communities, interested in ways to give back. In almost every city there are organizations that need Black men as volunteers, mentors and adult role models. There is nothing wrong with turning community service into an opportunity for personal fulfillment. The same can be said for participating in political causes.

I present these as suggestions. It is not the end all list. Hopefully it will spur further discussion and real movement towards attaining the kind of social outlets that will allow us to get what we want.

Creating new options will not come easily, and no one should be deluded into thinking change will happen overnight. You have to start slow, build a base–usually a handful of committed members–market the hell out of it, continue to meet regularly, and commit to the long haul.

This is niche marketing, appealing to a select few who have the same interests. You may not see hundreds of people, but you may see a more diverse group where singles and couples and people of differing generations–maybe even women and straight folks(!)–may want to interact.

Those are some of my ideas. What do you think?