The Rat Up My Ass

Trust me, it ain’t the change in seasons. I’m bored by work. I hate fuckin’ New York City. I’m tired of being pulled in several different directions simultaneously. I’m sick of getting strange reactions when I suggest doing some social activity that’s “outside the box”. I’m sick of going out and doing those things by myself anyway. Yeah, we turned the clocks back this past weekend and we’re now in darkness for most of the day, but my mood was pissy long before this.

I went back upstate this past weekend, to the place where I lived for 11 years. I was invited up to facilitate a town hall meeting for a group I helped found and on whose board I served in its infancy. This was to be a means of further assessing the needs of the community, so that more programs and services could be developed and addressed. In the five years I’ve been away, it was heart warming to see how far the community has come, what they are already doing to help themselves and work together while doing so. It was good to see new faces of folks I didn’t know when I lived there who had the courage now to come out and be a visible part of the group. And it was great to reconnect with old friends I hadn’t seen in awhile.

I had rented a car for the trip and marveled at the scenery on the Thruway, the leaves showing their fall colors. The drive was peaceful and relaxing. Once in town, I stopped by a hospital to check on another friend I had recently learned was ill, and ran into other friends old and new. Despite the occasion, it was good to see everyone and catch up.

Sunday, before the event, I was driving around and seeing all the changes around town. There is a lot of new building going on all over the place which is a sign of growth and positive change. Clean, quiet, safe streets where total strangers nod and say hello. Just the way I remembered it.

I walked through my old neighborhood and oddly enough ran into a guy I met since I moved to NYC. He and his partner now live up there, and he invited me to stop by. My heart fluttered at the sight of their humongous apartment, with high ceilings, two bedrooms and baths, hardwood floors, a separate dining room and spacious kitchen and a living room the size of my whole apartment. Yep, just the way I remembered it.

The town hall meeting went great, people openly shared and talked about their needs as individuals and as a community and what they’d like to do to move things further. We left there on a very positive note, and I feel secure knowing they will try their best to follow up on the ideas generated that evening, limited resources or not. Then I hit the road heading back to New York.

The fucking streets are as covered with litter as the ones upstate were covered with leaves. The volume of the city was deafening even on a Sunday night. The same annoying crowds, pushy obnoxious assholes talking on cellphones as if they’re important, and selfish, unruly bastard children on the train acting out simply because they can. Lines everywhere. The long ass commute to and from work crammed with a subway full of strangers, some of whom bathe regularly. My small, shit hole of an apartment, convenient only because of its price, but otherwise stressing me out by its size and location.

There are 8,000,000 people in New York. I’m happy to leave to make room for someone else.